trying to start a journal

So about my day well my fiance has had a cold since yesterday, no big deal right? well to my imagination it can be. when i found out at work that she was going to the clinic to get checked out my mind started to wander and of course it went worst possible scenario. what if it happens to be pertussis what if she gets admitted into the hospital? i spent my whole lunch break on facebook with her mother asking her what the doctors are saying, like she would really know word for word since she was at work 2 hours away from the clinic. during the afternoon i was in a brief one that talked about usual stuff suicide prevention, safe driving, and electrical outlet safety (sounds kinda dumb, who doesn't know how to use an outlet safely? well Marines don't) i had my phone out during the entire brief checking it every two minutes to see if i had gotten a message with an update on my fiances' health. It crossed my mind i told this woman that CF is something she has but it doesn't define who she is and i can say that it is still true, either away or together the fact that both her and her brother have CF doesn't come up in a thought, its in the back of my head but its something my mind doesn't take much notice to, but when she gets sick or i get a negative update about her brother it scares me. It certainly isn't to the point of me wanting to run away but it honestly does scare me being 17 hours away from here and even further away from her brother. It isn't just because i love her most of the time it makes me wonder about the future, am i going to be able to find a job with health insurance that can cover her meds and doctor visits, will i be able to provide the right kind of care for her when she is sick and home. even for her brother i get scared he has become like my younger brother, the kind of guy that you try and do your best so he can look up to you and so you wont let him down. knowing the fact that both of them could get an infection and need to be hospitalized while i am not near them makes me feel like i can't do my part to help a loved one out, like i am letting them down. the moral of my drawn out lesson on me worrying and letting my mind wander and become frightened is that this evening she found out that she has the flu its not pertussis its not the black lung, its the flu. Had i spent the whole amount of time i used worrying and instead used to pray and ask for Gods healing on her, i would have been helping to make her better, i mean after all He is the ultimate healer. but i also wouldn't of had this burden of worry going on all afternoon. so with that being said blog reading community of the world wide web, do you have fears? burdens? doubt? or worries? bring them to the Lord, "Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."-Matthew 11:28-30

the genius that is me

yesterday i spent all day excited about going kayaking for pt. why? because its probably one of the funniest things we ever do, but while i was out in the boat i flipped it being stupid and sure enough lost my wallet it is now in the bottom of a river so good bye to my debit and my credit card my drivers license my military id my humvee drivers license my extra cash its just awesome

gripe about the Marine Corps

Sometimes i wonder about the organization i signed a contract to join. Lets take officers while their leadership is sometimes right on other times it makes me wonder, how does making a visio diagram on where every telephone port and outlet is down to the inch help in mission accomplishment? or how spending most of the units budget on new furniture is a great idea when the tools needed to do our job is far less important? then there is uniform inspections if my uniform fit two months ago why would it not fit now? then there is pt, don't get me wrong pt is a good thing for an organization that is supposed to fight, but when adding excessive weight repeatedly is not going to make you better it is going to put more strain on your joints making them wear out faster, considering how many Marines complain about knee pains or injuries isn't that pointing to something?

feet

My feet are always turning purple and going numb, to save me my sleep time and going to one of the worst clinics ever, any one have any ideas what causes it? i have been told by the medical "professionals" at the clinic that it was in my head, also been told its from being flat footed, bruising within my feet, blood clot, and diabetes.

boredom

my days off are supposed to be spent relaxing and recovering from work, all i end up doing is spending half the day awake doing random stupid things like playing yoville on facebook or making stupid little animations on the computer i need a life

First time blogging

Sometimes you become a slave to popular trends such as blogging, not sure i get the concept but i think i can share my personal thoughts with mass amounts of online viewers.